Bending the Right Ear

It's been nearly a year since I've posted. A year full of life...a year so full, it's been hard to find the words to even attempt to put a pen to a page. But in my heart, I've been writing. Pages and pages in my heart-journal have been filled, memories and miracles that I'm just now exhaling long enough to reflect on. Even now as I sit and begin to write, it's hard to know where to start. But I know it's time to start penning the story- the story of God's magnificent provision for me, at exactly the time and place I needed Him, and how I still have to remind myself of that promise often. I am thankful for the little truth pebbles God spatters around my life, small bits that I can put in my pocket as a reminder of His perfect love for me.

This evening brings the close of January 25, 2014. Exactly one year ago tomorrow was a day that God

brought a great wind of change to my very comfortable existence. He introduced me to the man who, less than eight months later, I would walk with down a very long aisle, promising our futures to each other in front of God and many friends and family. There are so many examples of how our lives intersected and intertwined at just the right time, in just the right way, as God revealed the love story of my life that far exceeded my wildest dreams. I am sure that over time, I will find a way to share some of those stories, although right now I have to admit that those memories are tiny treasures I hold close to my heart. As I sit at my dining room table, sipping my favorite tea (a Christmas gift from my sweet husband), I find myself thinking not so much about the past year of change, but about the future adventures that I know God holds for me.

And it comes back to the great challenge of my life...trusting God. I think about the blessings, the more-than-fulfilled dreams, the always-kept promises, and I am overwhelmingly reminded of how worthy God is of my trust. He has answered prayers I haven't known to pray, and granted wishes I never shared with anyone, even myself. Yet I have caught myself in the last weeks pondering my professional future, and trying to figure out how to make sure I get where I think I should be. I am convinced that God has a plan for my life (the past year is an obvious example!), and I am confident that He intends to use me in my workplace as a leader who demonstrates character and integrity. However, I find myself sliding into the trap of "What person's ear do I need to 'bend' to make sure I get where I want to be?" Justifying those thoughts by telling myself that I know I'll be a good, godly leader who affects change in the world. But today, as I allowed myself a little quiet time, I heard God ask me a question. It was soft, not an audible voice, but I heard it in my heart. I heard Him ask me, "Why aren't you bending MY ear?" I caught my breath a little bit, as I considered the question. The only ear that matters is God's, really. He will move me, or keep me where I am, but it will be because that's where He needs me. I look at this year's students. If I hadn't been their teacher, I am sure that they would have had a wonderful, highly skilled professional who at least matched, if not exceeded me, instructionally. But I know some of those little baby birds are in my class because they need ME. It hasn't been time yet for me to "move on", and as I look back I can remember specific little friends (and maybe even their families) who I believe God matched me up with, in a way that I could be a specific blessing to them, and in return be enormously blessed by them. We've all heard it said before that God will put you in the right place at the right time, and that you should just "bloom where you're planted". Well, I'm not much for cliches, but I do believe the promise in Jeremiah 29:11, that God has a plan for me, a plan for hope and a future, and right now His plan is for me to be Jesus to everyone I meet, and "bend His ear" for my future. 

A recent new adventure in my life has been writing a worship song with my husband (that word still takes a little getting used to!), and one of the lines that pokes at me the most is "Building my trust in you alone, not building towers to reach heaven on my own". I am thankful that God keeps reminding me of my penchant to try doing things on my own, rather than trusting him, because when He surprises me with blessings I don't deserve, I'm reminded again of how unworthy I am and how worthy He is. I don't want to spend my life chasing rainbows, I want to spend my life seeking the promises of God. I am in a season of being overwhelmed, and blessed beyond measure, and thankful that He keeps gently proving himself great in my life.

I'm not sure how many of these ramblings have made sense, and it's been a bit of an experience just trying to put my thoughts into words, but it's a start. A start to the reflections of a life-changing year, and the beginnings of a whole new series of lessons God is giving me. But the lessons aren't really new, because He doesn't change. He's always trustworthy, and I'm always inept. But he is gracious enough to keep giving me reasons to trust Him, and I hope maybe my life can be a reminder to others of His worthiness- His unfailing, undeserved love for all of us. I don't know if everyone is as dense as I can be, but I know I need to hear the same lesson a few times before it sinks in. Lest you need a reminder, let me share with you the greatest truth pebble I carry in my pocket- God is love, and that love is a beautiful treasure.

Blessings!
Emily 

The Dream Theme...

Have you ever had a word just stick in your head and you couldn't shake it? You run across it all the time, in multiple contexts, and it just forces you to confront the word before you constantly? I can't tell you how many times I've encountered the word "dream" lately. Some quotes I keep wandering across...

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame." -Elizabeth Barrett Browing (my favorite!!)

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling." -Inception

"If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." -Anonymous

And now, tonight...I just read one of the coolest verses I've read in a long time.
Ephesians 3:20 (the Message)

^{20 "}God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

How many times do we throw around the phrase "beyond my wildest dreams"? There was even a whole song about it in the musical I just did last weekend. Yet, do we stop and think about the implications of that? We all have dreams. Every one of us. Dreams are what motivate us and give us hope each day to keep moving forward. Some dreams we tell people all about, and other dreams we hold close to our heart, but we all have dreams...probably lots of dreams. What just blew my mind today was thinking about how big my dreams already are- and God's dreams for me are BIGGER! What?? And what's even more mind-blowing is that He has a perfect plan for accomplishing that dream, the one I can't even imagine yet.

Here's the key, and this is what I just realized with the verse I read today...the plan is all about us listening to his Spirit. When we are sensitive to what He wants for our lives, His big dreams actually become our dreams, and He gives us the little steps we need to take to walk toward His plan for our lives. That sounds so simple. Just listen to Him. Be obedient when he says to go...or stay...or whatever He tells you to do. But I guess what has kept jingling around in my brain is the OTHER theme in those quotes- the part about fear. Fear of big dreams. And fear of dreams coming true. And fear of dreams NOT coming true. So then this other giant issue comes into play...trust. I don't fear change if I initiate it...a new job or a new house or any other scenario in which I feel like I'm holding all the cards. That means I'm trying to accomplish MY dreams, and I feel like I have some control over what happens. But it seems that the really scary, ground-shaking changes for me are sometimes the ones God initiates- the ones that are a means toward HIS dreams for me. And why on earth would that scare me? Because it means I'm NOT in control. Yet, even now as I sit here and keep pondering my dreams...and God's dreams...He gently and graciously reminds me that He is for me, He is faithful, and He is always worthy of my trust, especially when I feel afraid. Psalm 56:3 (ESV) says "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." I put my trust in His dreams for me, not my own, and have no reason to be afraid.

What a gift when He gently works within us to show us the obvious! No need to run away...He found me and loves me and has bigger dreams for me than I can ever imagine. I can't wait to see how he "puts my dreams to shame"!

Love God. Love People.

It's a new year. The requisite resolutions have been made, the accidentally writing last year's date on everything has commenced, and life goes on just like it did way back in 2012 (you know, 2 days ago). And here lies my blog, untouched for months and months, waiting for some words to flow again.

As the new year approached, I determined that this year I wasn't going to make a resolution I couldn't (or wouldn't) keep, but would rather resolve to keep working at a way of life I've tried to strive for more in recent years: Love God, and love people. Sometimes (often!) that's easier said than done. Already in just a couple of days I've struggled to love people the way I should. And yet there are other people it would be easier to not love as much as I do. Either way, we are called to love. Love God, and love people. Simple, yet so complex. So one of my "resolutions" this year, if you will, is to reflect each day on a different example of love or kindness I was able to witness, or maybe demonstrate, or even an opportunity that I neglected to act on (sometimes those are the biggest lessons!). Because the only way to become more like Christ is to love like He did, and sometimes that means deliberately choosing love over hate or even worse, apathy.

So here is an opportunity for my blog to be more than just a place to collect pretty words. This is my accountability, my reflection journal, sometimes even an open prayer notebook. To the handful of people who take the time to read what I have to say, this blog can become my tool to reflect on this sort of resolution to love God and love people. Sometimes it might be a story, sometimes just a general life lesson, sometimes a quote or verse that spoke to me. But whatever it may be, I hope that once in a while one of those gems will speak to you, too.

Today's life lesson (in other words, how to love "better"): Be a listener. Don't spend time thinking of how you're going to respond, rather than really listening to the other person's words. Don't try to wrap up everyone's problems in a tidy bow and move on. Listen to the struggles. Listen not only to the words that are said, but also those left unsaid. And when you're really listening, you set aside any of your own "heart stuff" and make that other person the most important person in your universe at the time.

I had the opportunity today to visit with one of my oldest and dearest friends for just a little bit, and I'll admit, today was a day I talked a lot, and she listened a lot, and I'm so thankful for her open, hearing heart. I hope that tomorrow I can be that heart for someone else. ♥

John 13:34-35 (The Message) "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples- when they see the love you have for each other."

A Prayer Journey

 Today I prayer-walked for the first time, from my current church building to the building we are praying about moving into. This concept of a prayer journey was, I'll admit, a little bit uncomfortable to me. I mean, I can walk a 5K no problem, just give me some tunes to sing along to (yes, I'm that girl) or a buddy to walk with, and 3 miles flies by. But just walk alone, meditate and pray? It's sort of embarrassing to admit, but that is a little bit outside my comfort zone. Do I pray and talk to God daily? Yes. But for almost 3 1/2 miles straight? No...and that got me thinking. Why is it so hard for me to pray for a solid 45 minutes? Well, I could blame it on a lot of things, like the slight touch of ADD that I'm positive I have, or our culture of "busy-ness" and multitasking and multimedia, or even the mascara burning my eyes because I forgot to take my makeup off before the warm walk. But when it comes down to it, those are all excuses. Not even good ones! Excuses, because sometimes the control freak in me would rather just try to figure things out myself than talk to God about what's going on in my life and the world around me. I saw a quote a while back on Pinterest that said "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?" Ouch. When I have issues in my life, it is definitely my inclination to talk my friends' ears off about it, but do I talk to God about it? I mean, really talk to Him? And even more so, really listen to Him? Now, I'm not saying it's bad to talk to people about struggles or challenges, because I know God often chooses to speak through the people we are close to. But I guess what I learned today is that I realized it is not my natural tendency to really listen for God's voice when I pray. I do a lot of talking "at" God...but not so much listening for His voice. I don't know what else God has to teach me on this prayer journey that my church family has begun, but I know He wants me to listen for Him, and give Him a chance to speak to my heart. It's exciting, and a teensy bit terrifying, to really start asking God to speak and then listening to what He has to say. But I am so thankful that I can trust in His character- His love- even when my flesh really wants to be in charge. Will I have lots of life lessons as I continue to learn how to really pray and hear God? I would expect nothing less from Him! As I keep learning, I'll keep sharing...

Blessings! :)

Surrender to the Miracle

Tonight I had a unique opportunity, a first for me, really.  My pastor invited me to give a short devotional, sandwiched between several church elders, at our Christmas service.  While I spend my life in front of people speaking and teaching and facilitating, this particular experience was new and somewhat unnerving.  However, the experience turned out to be truly a blessing, as I spent the week reflecting on what God wanted me to share tonight with my church family.  God brought me to a challenge, a lesson I've heard a time or two, and yet once again He knew I needed to hear it.  

The passage Pastor Dave asked me to reflect on was Luke 2:5-7... "He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.  While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."  Our worship team had decided to introduce this passage with the song Breath of Heaven, a song about Mary's feelings as she walked to Bethlehem and neared the time of Jesus' birth.  This song got me thinking about all we could learn from Mary, especially if we think back to the 9 months or so before Jesus was born.  

First, let's take a look at the situation.  Mary is faced with an "unplanned" pregnancy- of course, God planned it, but it was a terrifying shock to Mary.  As a young girl, Mary was facing judgement from her family and community, and found herself suddenly responsible for God, in infant form.  God's plan was totally incomprehensible to Mary.  But if we look closely, Mary teaches us all a lesson.  In her life, we can see that when you totally surrender control of your life to God, He will allow you to be used in ways you never could orchestrate on your own.

Mary was given the blessing of being part of the biggest miracle God ever performed- the gift of His son in human form- because she was able to surrender, to turn all the reins over to the God who knew better than she did what the world needed.  Would she have chosen a pregnancy "out of wedlock", the risk of her fiancee' leaving her, or the experience of giving birth in a dirty barn?  No.  Those things were way beyond her control.  But God was always in control, and only He could see the big picture.  

Now, if you've read any of my other blog posts, you might already realize this about me, but I can have a tendency to be a little bit of a control freak.  I kind of panic when I'm not in charge.  I like to do things my way, because then I know they'll be done right (insert sheepish grin here).  But as I reflect on what God asked of Mary and Joseph, I see a perfect example of how He uses situations outside of our control to glorify Him and fulfill His plan.  Like in the song Breath of Heaven, when Mary cries "Help me strong...help me be...help me"- that moment her life willingly was surrendered (and I would imagine Mary might have come to that point a few times over her years raising Jesus)- that moment of total surrender made her available to be God's vehicle of mercy and grace by sending Jesus here for us.  Did Mary feel, throughout her life and especially the 33 years of Jesus' life on earth, like sometimes things were careening out of control and made absolutely no sense?  I would bet that she had some of those feelings throughout her lifetime.  Just like sometimes, in the tiniest, quietest corner of our hearts, we sometimes want to kick and scream and say "Hey, God, do you actually know what you're doing here?  Because I don't get it...and I don't like it!"

But I wonder, how many miracles and blessings might you and I be a part of, if we learned to be a little more like Mary?  To trust, even when it seems completely terrifying.  To believe in the miraculous, even when it seems ridiculous.  And to willingly surrender our hearts to God's plan for our lives, and not our own.

I'm so glad that God's in charge...His plan, even though I can't always see it, is perfect.  He is worthy of our trust.  And He just keeps proving Himself time and time again.

It all comes full-circle...

I confess, when it comes to notes and letters, I am a pack-rat.  I am sentimental and sappy and keep things to look back on when life's circumstances change.  It helps keeps me grounded and gives me perspective.  So God granted me a little treasure today when I was digging around in my spare bedroom in a box labeled "children's ministry" stuff.  For some reason, I had slipped a few sheets of paper in the back of the crate, and when I pulled out the sheets I saw the title "New G Tour Send-Off 2008".  It was as if I was instantly taken 3 years back in time, to that time in between being a New G Singer and a New G Sponsor.  I remember sharing with this group of kids I barely knew, as they prepared for a trip I was not going on, and that bittersweet experience was one of the coolest memories I have as I look back now... particularly because God has allowed me the privilege of now being back in the family as a sponsor.  I don't know that anyone else is as nostalgic as me, but I thought it might be fun to share those thoughts from several years ago, for my old New G friends who might remember that day with me.  So here are my words, from the "me" of 3 years ago, as I wished my New G family god-speed as they left for their 2008 tour...

"Good morning!  (After doing a few opening dialogues over the years, I feel like I should be saying, "Good morning, and welcome to the New Generation Singers 2008 Sermon in Song..." but of course, that's not what I'm here for!)  I am privileged to share with you some encouragement and excitement about this journey you are getting ready to embark on- and maybe an insight or two from past experience.

First of all, I am so excited for you all to visit Western Canada, particularly those spectacular mountain sights.  Banff and Lake Louise were part of the last tour I went on as a singer with New G, and out of all the places I got to see on 9 years of tours, the Canadian Rockies are the one place that I absolutely want to return to in my lifetime.  Actually, since I'm already here, can't I just hop on the bus and come with you?  Seriously, take lots of pictures, and take time to meditate on God's amazing creation.  It's very possible you may feel closer to God's presence when you go up those mountains, so I encourage you to savor that experience, and maybe even make some memories that you can 'pull out' and look back fondly on, a few years down the road.

During nearly a decade of experiences in New G's, God taught me quite a few lessons, many of them learned on tours.  As I began preparing to share with you guys today, I started to make a list of some of those life lessons.  I soon realized that I learned far more in those 9 years than I could ever write down on paper, for my heart is full of memories and lessons learned.  I tried to choose just a handful of things that helped me on tour, and have stayed with me throughout my life, so here are a few 'nuggets' I'd like to pass on to you.  #1- Be Flexible!  Serving God often has it's challenges, and on tour that becomes very apparent.  Setting up in 5 minutes flat, or sleeping on the floor in a church, or having to make 3 trips to your host home because your host family drives a ridiculously small car- these things are not nearly as frustrating if you are in a 'flexible' mindset, knowing that you are serving God's kingdom.  Tour (and Life) Lesson #2- God uses everyone, especially our weaknesses.  Every person on tour is there for a purpose set out by God, and He will use you.  Don't be afraid of your weaknesses- God makes us strong.  Lesson #3- You never know when you will get an opportunity to show Jesus to someone through your actions.  On tour, that might be in a church or host home, or while you're out sightseeing, or even on the longest bus ride.  Remember- you never know who's watching you...show them Jesus!  Lesson #4- We are stronger together than we are individually.  The Bible says in Romans that we are all one body.  It functions much better when we all do our part for the glory of God, remembering that we all have the same ultimate purpose- sharing the love of Christ.  And Tour/Life Lesson #5- the journey never ends.  Tour is two weeks, but the ministry of New G and of all Christians is ongoing.  I hope that you all find that this is really the beginning of a journey with Christ that doesn't end when your time with New G's does.

Byron wanted me to share with you the value of New G, particularly in my life over the years.  That's a tall order, because New G was a huge part of my life, and is still so important and special to me.  My life has in many ways been shaped by my involvement with New G's.  The years spent serving on various committees and in various offices taught me many things- churchmanship, leadership, democracy in action, and how to be a part of the family of Christ.  I made lifelong friendships, and memories that will forever be a part of the tapestry of my life.  New G had a big part in who I am today.  Even as I begin grad school, studying education administration, I look at how God used New G to begin to slowly grow and train me as a leader.  Most importantly, in New G I learned how to share the love of God with people, through music, through community activities, through volunteer opportunities God may present us with.  And serving God in New G meant serving Him as part of a precious family.

So...what do I want to leave you with today, as you begin your journey?  Well, your sermon in song is 'More than Words', right?  It's about living like God wants you to live, doing what He wants you to do.  At my church's Vacation Bible School this week, I taught the kiddos a song that made me think of your sermon in song.  The lyrics say 'Let my actions match my passion for what my God has done'.  Are you passionate about God's word and the message of love that you share in New G's?  Well, here's your opportunity to live it out and take action in a big way.  It is about more than words, it's living the life God calls each of us to live.  New G tour will be an awesome opportunity to share your passion for Christ.

So, when you get on that bus and head for adventure (leaving us behind), I'll be praying that you make lots of precious memories, but most of all, I'll be praising God, knowing that you will be making a difference for His kingdom.  God bless you guys, and I can't wait to hear how God works this year!"

Sweet memories...some life lessons I still keep in my pocket...and it all comes full-circle as I continue being given opportunities to serve side-by-side with my New G family.  God bless!

Leadership = Service

Strategic...connectedness...belief...empathy...individualization.

According to Tom Rath's StrengthsFinder 2.0, you need to focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses as you learn how to be a successful leader.  If you have ever wanted to know what your strengths are, I would recommend that you get this book and take the online quiz.  It's really fascinating to read the "strengths insight guide" that is personalized to your top five strengths.  While I wasn't shocked by any of my top five, I was surprised by some of the positive implications of some of my strengths.  I took some time to create a "professional creed" of sorts, based on these strengths...

"I will embrace my strategic nature, continue to engage in organizations and activities that keep me connected to people, hold tight to the belief system that grounds me, continue to love people through empathy, and find strategies for interacting with individuals, as wonderful and unique and valuable and different as they all are."

       As I look toward a possible future as a professional leader, I also consider the impact this creed or philosophy has in my day-to-day interactions with people, even outside the realm of education.  I think maybe my core beliefs come out in my leadership style, because my faith is such an integral part of my life.  Valuing individuals and loving them with compassion and empathy are just "what you do" when you follow Christ, because that's the model He gave us to follow.  
       I never thought I'd have any spiritual insights when reading this secular book about leadership, but as I read more about leaders and study what godly men and women have to say about leading people, I'm beginning to realize that biblical principles of godliness are the best example of strong leadership.  Leading by relationship, not simply a position of authority.  Leading by connecting with people, not by commanding blind obedience.  Leading by serving, not by demanding service.  
        Matthew 20:26-28 tells us Jesus' philosophy of leadership- "But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
        Leadership is service.  The best books on leadership say so.  But even more importantly, God's Word tells us so.  I look forward to continuing to learn more about how to lead God's way!