Bending the Right Ear

It's been nearly a year since I've posted. A year full of life...a year so full, it's been hard to find the words to even attempt to put a pen to a page. But in my heart, I've been writing. Pages and pages in my heart-journal have been filled, memories and miracles that I'm just now exhaling long enough to reflect on. Even now as I sit and begin to write, it's hard to know where to start. But I know it's time to start penning the story- the story of God's magnificent provision for me, at exactly the time and place I needed Him, and how I still have to remind myself of that promise often. I am thankful for the little truth pebbles God spatters around my life, small bits that I can put in my pocket as a reminder of His perfect love for me.

This evening brings the close of January 25, 2014. Exactly one year ago tomorrow was a day that God

brought a great wind of change to my very comfortable existence. He introduced me to the man who, less than eight months later, I would walk with down a very long aisle, promising our futures to each other in front of God and many friends and family. There are so many examples of how our lives intersected and intertwined at just the right time, in just the right way, as God revealed the love story of my life that far exceeded my wildest dreams. I am sure that over time, I will find a way to share some of those stories, although right now I have to admit that those memories are tiny treasures I hold close to my heart. As I sit at my dining room table, sipping my favorite tea (a Christmas gift from my sweet husband), I find myself thinking not so much about the past year of change, but about the future adventures that I know God holds for me.

And it comes back to the great challenge of my life...trusting God. I think about the blessings, the more-than-fulfilled dreams, the always-kept promises, and I am overwhelmingly reminded of how worthy God is of my trust. He has answered prayers I haven't known to pray, and granted wishes I never shared with anyone, even myself. Yet I have caught myself in the last weeks pondering my professional future, and trying to figure out how to make sure I get where I think I should be. I am convinced that God has a plan for my life (the past year is an obvious example!), and I am confident that He intends to use me in my workplace as a leader who demonstrates character and integrity. However, I find myself sliding into the trap of "What person's ear do I need to 'bend' to make sure I get where I want to be?" Justifying those thoughts by telling myself that I know I'll be a good, godly leader who affects change in the world. But today, as I allowed myself a little quiet time, I heard God ask me a question. It was soft, not an audible voice, but I heard it in my heart. I heard Him ask me, "Why aren't you bending MY ear?" I caught my breath a little bit, as I considered the question. The only ear that matters is God's, really. He will move me, or keep me where I am, but it will be because that's where He needs me. I look at this year's students. If I hadn't been their teacher, I am sure that they would have had a wonderful, highly skilled professional who at least matched, if not exceeded me, instructionally. But I know some of those little baby birds are in my class because they need ME. It hasn't been time yet for me to "move on", and as I look back I can remember specific little friends (and maybe even their families) who I believe God matched me up with, in a way that I could be a specific blessing to them, and in return be enormously blessed by them. We've all heard it said before that God will put you in the right place at the right time, and that you should just "bloom where you're planted". Well, I'm not much for cliches, but I do believe the promise in Jeremiah 29:11, that God has a plan for me, a plan for hope and a future, and right now His plan is for me to be Jesus to everyone I meet, and "bend His ear" for my future. 

A recent new adventure in my life has been writing a worship song with my husband (that word still takes a little getting used to!), and one of the lines that pokes at me the most is "Building my trust in you alone, not building towers to reach heaven on my own". I am thankful that God keeps reminding me of my penchant to try doing things on my own, rather than trusting him, because when He surprises me with blessings I don't deserve, I'm reminded again of how unworthy I am and how worthy He is. I don't want to spend my life chasing rainbows, I want to spend my life seeking the promises of God. I am in a season of being overwhelmed, and blessed beyond measure, and thankful that He keeps gently proving himself great in my life.

I'm not sure how many of these ramblings have made sense, and it's been a bit of an experience just trying to put my thoughts into words, but it's a start. A start to the reflections of a life-changing year, and the beginnings of a whole new series of lessons God is giving me. But the lessons aren't really new, because He doesn't change. He's always trustworthy, and I'm always inept. But he is gracious enough to keep giving me reasons to trust Him, and I hope maybe my life can be a reminder to others of His worthiness- His unfailing, undeserved love for all of us. I don't know if everyone is as dense as I can be, but I know I need to hear the same lesson a few times before it sinks in. Lest you need a reminder, let me share with you the greatest truth pebble I carry in my pocket- God is love, and that love is a beautiful treasure.

Blessings!
Emily