Surrender to the Miracle

Tonight I had a unique opportunity, a first for me, really.  My pastor invited me to give a short devotional, sandwiched between several church elders, at our Christmas service.  While I spend my life in front of people speaking and teaching and facilitating, this particular experience was new and somewhat unnerving.  However, the experience turned out to be truly a blessing, as I spent the week reflecting on what God wanted me to share tonight with my church family.  God brought me to a challenge, a lesson I've heard a time or two, and yet once again He knew I needed to hear it.  

The passage Pastor Dave asked me to reflect on was Luke 2:5-7... "He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.  While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."  Our worship team had decided to introduce this passage with the song Breath of Heaven, a song about Mary's feelings as she walked to Bethlehem and neared the time of Jesus' birth.  This song got me thinking about all we could learn from Mary, especially if we think back to the 9 months or so before Jesus was born.  

First, let's take a look at the situation.  Mary is faced with an "unplanned" pregnancy- of course, God planned it, but it was a terrifying shock to Mary.  As a young girl, Mary was facing judgement from her family and community, and found herself suddenly responsible for God, in infant form.  God's plan was totally incomprehensible to Mary.  But if we look closely, Mary teaches us all a lesson.  In her life, we can see that when you totally surrender control of your life to God, He will allow you to be used in ways you never could orchestrate on your own.

Mary was given the blessing of being part of the biggest miracle God ever performed- the gift of His son in human form- because she was able to surrender, to turn all the reins over to the God who knew better than she did what the world needed.  Would she have chosen a pregnancy "out of wedlock", the risk of her fiancee' leaving her, or the experience of giving birth in a dirty barn?  No.  Those things were way beyond her control.  But God was always in control, and only He could see the big picture.  

Now, if you've read any of my other blog posts, you might already realize this about me, but I can have a tendency to be a little bit of a control freak.  I kind of panic when I'm not in charge.  I like to do things my way, because then I know they'll be done right (insert sheepish grin here).  But as I reflect on what God asked of Mary and Joseph, I see a perfect example of how He uses situations outside of our control to glorify Him and fulfill His plan.  Like in the song Breath of Heaven, when Mary cries "Help me strong...help me be...help me"- that moment her life willingly was surrendered (and I would imagine Mary might have come to that point a few times over her years raising Jesus)- that moment of total surrender made her available to be God's vehicle of mercy and grace by sending Jesus here for us.  Did Mary feel, throughout her life and especially the 33 years of Jesus' life on earth, like sometimes things were careening out of control and made absolutely no sense?  I would bet that she had some of those feelings throughout her lifetime.  Just like sometimes, in the tiniest, quietest corner of our hearts, we sometimes want to kick and scream and say "Hey, God, do you actually know what you're doing here?  Because I don't get it...and I don't like it!"

But I wonder, how many miracles and blessings might you and I be a part of, if we learned to be a little more like Mary?  To trust, even when it seems completely terrifying.  To believe in the miraculous, even when it seems ridiculous.  And to willingly surrender our hearts to God's plan for our lives, and not our own.

I'm so glad that God's in charge...His plan, even though I can't always see it, is perfect.  He is worthy of our trust.  And He just keeps proving Himself time and time again.

It all comes full-circle...

I confess, when it comes to notes and letters, I am a pack-rat.  I am sentimental and sappy and keep things to look back on when life's circumstances change.  It helps keeps me grounded and gives me perspective.  So God granted me a little treasure today when I was digging around in my spare bedroom in a box labeled "children's ministry" stuff.  For some reason, I had slipped a few sheets of paper in the back of the crate, and when I pulled out the sheets I saw the title "New G Tour Send-Off 2008".  It was as if I was instantly taken 3 years back in time, to that time in between being a New G Singer and a New G Sponsor.  I remember sharing with this group of kids I barely knew, as they prepared for a trip I was not going on, and that bittersweet experience was one of the coolest memories I have as I look back now... particularly because God has allowed me the privilege of now being back in the family as a sponsor.  I don't know that anyone else is as nostalgic as me, but I thought it might be fun to share those thoughts from several years ago, for my old New G friends who might remember that day with me.  So here are my words, from the "me" of 3 years ago, as I wished my New G family god-speed as they left for their 2008 tour...

"Good morning!  (After doing a few opening dialogues over the years, I feel like I should be saying, "Good morning, and welcome to the New Generation Singers 2008 Sermon in Song..." but of course, that's not what I'm here for!)  I am privileged to share with you some encouragement and excitement about this journey you are getting ready to embark on- and maybe an insight or two from past experience.

First of all, I am so excited for you all to visit Western Canada, particularly those spectacular mountain sights.  Banff and Lake Louise were part of the last tour I went on as a singer with New G, and out of all the places I got to see on 9 years of tours, the Canadian Rockies are the one place that I absolutely want to return to in my lifetime.  Actually, since I'm already here, can't I just hop on the bus and come with you?  Seriously, take lots of pictures, and take time to meditate on God's amazing creation.  It's very possible you may feel closer to God's presence when you go up those mountains, so I encourage you to savor that experience, and maybe even make some memories that you can 'pull out' and look back fondly on, a few years down the road.

During nearly a decade of experiences in New G's, God taught me quite a few lessons, many of them learned on tours.  As I began preparing to share with you guys today, I started to make a list of some of those life lessons.  I soon realized that I learned far more in those 9 years than I could ever write down on paper, for my heart is full of memories and lessons learned.  I tried to choose just a handful of things that helped me on tour, and have stayed with me throughout my life, so here are a few 'nuggets' I'd like to pass on to you.  #1- Be Flexible!  Serving God often has it's challenges, and on tour that becomes very apparent.  Setting up in 5 minutes flat, or sleeping on the floor in a church, or having to make 3 trips to your host home because your host family drives a ridiculously small car- these things are not nearly as frustrating if you are in a 'flexible' mindset, knowing that you are serving God's kingdom.  Tour (and Life) Lesson #2- God uses everyone, especially our weaknesses.  Every person on tour is there for a purpose set out by God, and He will use you.  Don't be afraid of your weaknesses- God makes us strong.  Lesson #3- You never know when you will get an opportunity to show Jesus to someone through your actions.  On tour, that might be in a church or host home, or while you're out sightseeing, or even on the longest bus ride.  Remember- you never know who's watching you...show them Jesus!  Lesson #4- We are stronger together than we are individually.  The Bible says in Romans that we are all one body.  It functions much better when we all do our part for the glory of God, remembering that we all have the same ultimate purpose- sharing the love of Christ.  And Tour/Life Lesson #5- the journey never ends.  Tour is two weeks, but the ministry of New G and of all Christians is ongoing.  I hope that you all find that this is really the beginning of a journey with Christ that doesn't end when your time with New G's does.

Byron wanted me to share with you the value of New G, particularly in my life over the years.  That's a tall order, because New G was a huge part of my life, and is still so important and special to me.  My life has in many ways been shaped by my involvement with New G's.  The years spent serving on various committees and in various offices taught me many things- churchmanship, leadership, democracy in action, and how to be a part of the family of Christ.  I made lifelong friendships, and memories that will forever be a part of the tapestry of my life.  New G had a big part in who I am today.  Even as I begin grad school, studying education administration, I look at how God used New G to begin to slowly grow and train me as a leader.  Most importantly, in New G I learned how to share the love of God with people, through music, through community activities, through volunteer opportunities God may present us with.  And serving God in New G meant serving Him as part of a precious family.

So...what do I want to leave you with today, as you begin your journey?  Well, your sermon in song is 'More than Words', right?  It's about living like God wants you to live, doing what He wants you to do.  At my church's Vacation Bible School this week, I taught the kiddos a song that made me think of your sermon in song.  The lyrics say 'Let my actions match my passion for what my God has done'.  Are you passionate about God's word and the message of love that you share in New G's?  Well, here's your opportunity to live it out and take action in a big way.  It is about more than words, it's living the life God calls each of us to live.  New G tour will be an awesome opportunity to share your passion for Christ.

So, when you get on that bus and head for adventure (leaving us behind), I'll be praying that you make lots of precious memories, but most of all, I'll be praising God, knowing that you will be making a difference for His kingdom.  God bless you guys, and I can't wait to hear how God works this year!"

Sweet memories...some life lessons I still keep in my pocket...and it all comes full-circle as I continue being given opportunities to serve side-by-side with my New G family.  God bless!

Leadership = Service

Strategic...connectedness...belief...empathy...individualization.

According to Tom Rath's StrengthsFinder 2.0, you need to focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses as you learn how to be a successful leader.  If you have ever wanted to know what your strengths are, I would recommend that you get this book and take the online quiz.  It's really fascinating to read the "strengths insight guide" that is personalized to your top five strengths.  While I wasn't shocked by any of my top five, I was surprised by some of the positive implications of some of my strengths.  I took some time to create a "professional creed" of sorts, based on these strengths...

"I will embrace my strategic nature, continue to engage in organizations and activities that keep me connected to people, hold tight to the belief system that grounds me, continue to love people through empathy, and find strategies for interacting with individuals, as wonderful and unique and valuable and different as they all are."

       As I look toward a possible future as a professional leader, I also consider the impact this creed or philosophy has in my day-to-day interactions with people, even outside the realm of education.  I think maybe my core beliefs come out in my leadership style, because my faith is such an integral part of my life.  Valuing individuals and loving them with compassion and empathy are just "what you do" when you follow Christ, because that's the model He gave us to follow.  
       I never thought I'd have any spiritual insights when reading this secular book about leadership, but as I read more about leaders and study what godly men and women have to say about leading people, I'm beginning to realize that biblical principles of godliness are the best example of strong leadership.  Leading by relationship, not simply a position of authority.  Leading by connecting with people, not by commanding blind obedience.  Leading by serving, not by demanding service.  
        Matthew 20:26-28 tells us Jesus' philosophy of leadership- "But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
        Leadership is service.  The best books on leadership say so.  But even more importantly, God's Word tells us so.  I look forward to continuing to learn more about how to lead God's way!

Do not be anxious...

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I posted this verse as my facebook status, and within the day I had 17 "likes".  I guess we can all use the reminder to not be anxious.  It makes me wonder why we get so hung up on worry?  Is it a trust issue?  Or control?  Obviously, this verse was speaking to me or I wouldn't have posted it, but it seems like it rapidly drew attention among my friends... could it be that we are collectively crying out for peace?  Not "world peace", but something more like "inner" peace.  The kind of peace that only comes from knowing Jesus as your best friend.

I recently started writing a blog that really turned into a prayer, just a conversation between me and God, not necessarily to share with the world (or the 5 people who regularly read my blog).  But somewhere in my prayer/journaling I found myself saying to God, "The steering wheel is way too far out of my reach right now.  I don't like this.  I don't like it at all."  Control issues, anyone?  I think it comes down to trusting that God is bigger than life.  He's in control...and I absolutely am not.  And I resist that truth.  I honestly don't like admitting that I can't fix things, or make things the way I think they should be, or make everyone happy and healthy and perfect.  This whole imperfection thing is incredibly humbling.

But I am thankful.  Because in the midst of days when my mind swims...drifting, sometimes crashing, from one point to another... God reminds me of exactly who He is.  He is worthy of my trust.  He is faithful.  He loves me more than I can understand... and He loves my loved ones even more than I do.  One of my favorite Bible verses is on a crumpled sticky note on my bathroom mirror- Isaiah 26:3-4  “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. 
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.”  I love this daily reminder to keep trusting, because sometimes it is hard, but He is worthy, and His peace is worth it.

My pastor shared in church this past Sunday about God's goodness.  I'd like to leave you with some thoughts I collected after listening to his message and talking to some sweet friends about how good God is...

Glass half empty? Pessimist.  Glass half full? Optimist.  Cup runneth over??? Blessed.

God is good.

Even when it feels like your cup is getting awfully empty…

John 4:13 Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

I may not always feel filled… but God’s love and life are waiting for the taking, even when I can’t find the words to ask.  Isn't it sweet to know that He will give us His peace, which surpasses all understanding, and that peace will overflow within us?  

God is good.  Always.

A Lesson Learned in the Hundred-Acre Wood

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
~A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Caffeine-induced insomnia, a busy mind, and a full heart have brought me to this place.  The writer inside of me can't sleep until I find words to reflect on this very long day.  Today I watched a best friend say goodbye to her baby for the last time, as she exhibited more strength than I can ever imagine having (or want to have the occasion to need). Later,  I shared chips and salsa with an old friend who always infuses me with encouragement, even on the worst of days, weeks, or months, and I was blessed to be able to rest in the bubble of respite God always grants us during our time together.  I was reminded by another soulmate of the blessing of faithful friends...the peace that comes in knowing that "I can be sure of you".  All of these special people, and the special places God has carved for them in my heart, reminded me today that true friendship, while hard and messy and challenging at times, is a beautiful gift from God, modeled after His own love for us.  Proverbs 18:24 reminds us that "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".  The kind of friend God calls us to be is one who loves and encourages and offers strength even in tragedy, frustration, and adversity- maybe especially in those times.

I feel like I need to tie my thoughts up in a neat and tidy bow, but the reality is that this life is neither neat nor tidy.  And today, life as I know it was extraordinarily messy.  I am thankful for my God, who I can always be sure of, even when I am sure of nothing else.  And I pray that my precious friends, whom God has privileged me to know, can always be sure of me in the same way. 

Summer Reflections

As I sit down after a whirlwind first few days of school, I take a moment to ponder tomorrow’s writing assignment for my third grade class- “How I Spent My Summer Vacation”.  After reading Mark Teague’s highly imaginative and slightly over-the-top adventure of the same name, we will take some time during our first Writers’ Workshop session to give some thought and reflection to the summer we are leaving behind.  During our first writing sessions, I often like to journal with my kiddos, simply modeling the desire to transfer thoughts and feelings to pencil and paper, and so I find myself already thinking ahead to those reflections and memories I’m sure to write about.  What better to do with those thoughts than transcribe them into my blog?  I know this is an outlet to share lessons learned through teaching and experiences in education, but the truth is, I can only be a good teacher if I also learn from my life experiences outside the classroom as well.

Reflections on the summer of 2011 (or How I Spent My Summer Vacation)

Have you ever had a really intense season of growth, or shifting, or change?  When it sort of feels like gravity has shifted just a little bit…when you discover that not all your priorities line up the same way they used to?  Well, as I look back over the past few months, I consider that perhaps I’ve shifted a bit in my priorities and goals.  My time was consumed quickly in the short months between summer school and a new school year, but I spent that time living out experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world. 

In June, I auditioned for a community theater production, one of those things I’ve always said I’d get around to someday, when I had time.  I’m so glad I decided it didn’t matter if I had really had the time or not…my small role was such a fun learning experience, and I look forward to spreading my wings in future productions!  Maybe I’ll even get to sing in the next show! ;-)  I loved being a part of the team…one of many who worked together as a cast to produce a class act.  I’m lucky to live in a place where community theater is something to take a great deal of pride in, and know that I will always hold that first show dear to my heart.

Throughout June and July, I also had the amazing opportunity to watch a group of young singers grow musically, relationally, and spiritually as we traveled together around Northwest Missouri and across the northeast United States, delivering a message God has privileged the group to share for the last 41 years.  Last spring I was overjoyed and amazed to be offered the role of adult sponsor for the New Generation Singers, and this summer was one big gigantic ball of blessings as I got to “live the dream” and give back to a group that gave me so much in my formative years.  And what’s really incredible to me is that this group continues to give back to me…friendships, and opportunities to lead, and a wonderful spiritual family.  How lucky am I?  No, scratch that- how blessed am I!

I would be remiss if I reflected on my summer without mentioning one other little unexpected blessing…a little ball of fur named Periwinkle.  A dear student from last year, who knew how much I loved the kitty I lost to cancer last January, had been telling me about this little kitten since she was born last spring.  Periwinkle came to join my little “family” in June, and there hasn’t been a dull moment since!  Curtains have come down, a goldfish has been traumatized, and she’s nearly drowned or strangled herself more than once…in fact, I’m not sure how many of her nine lives she has used up already!  And yet she’s brought a great deal of exuberance and joy (and maybe a bit of Pangur’s spirit) back to my home, and for that I am thankful.

So, to summer I say "farewell" as I look forward to the adventures next summer will bring, and in the meantime I will begin a new school year refreshed, rejuvenated, and recharged to do the job God has called me to do for another year.  And I will gratefully hold in my heart the friendships, adventures, and experiences of this gravity-shifting, life-altering blessing of a summer.

Lessons from the Junkyard

"Some people look at the things the way they are and cry, 'Why!'  But I want you to look at things and see what they could be and ask, 'Why not?'" -Mrs. Peterson, in The Junkyard Wonders by Patricia Polacco

It's my favorite time of the year in third grade...time to dive deeply into the study of one of my very favorite authors, Patricia Polacco.  I marvel each year at how quickly the students connect with her literature, and find it even more amazing that every year I find myself learning life lessons through her stories as well.  This week I read to my class Ms. Polacco's newest book, The Junkyard Wonders, along with my personal favorite, Thank You, Mr. Falker.  In both of these stories, a teacher believes in his or her students- against all odds- to achieve greatness.  Mr. Falker knows that little Trisha can overcome dyslexia, with lots of patience, resources and hard work.  In The Junkyard Wonders, Mrs. Peterson is thoroughly convinced that her "junkyard wonders"- those students facing insurmountable physical, intellectual, and emotional bonds- will succeed at anything they put their minds to.  Both stories are beautifully told, inspiring tales that encourage the heart of a teacher.  However, I believe there is a deeper lesson, hidden just below the surface.

Mrs. Peterson didn't just "believe in" her students.  She gave them tools, materials, time, resources, and the freedom to strive for greatness.  She also had the fervent expectation that her students, seen as "worthless" to the general population, would indeed do amazing things, because they aimed for the moon and made a plan to get there.  I've heard it said before that "you should always aim for the moon- if you miss, at least you'll land among the stars!"  That's what Mrs. Peterson did for her students... she set them up for enormous success, knowing that contrary to popular opinion, they were not destined for mediocrity.  I won't spoil the story for you and tell you how it ends, but I will tell you that I think all teachers who feel a little discouraged or frustrated could get a boost by reading this story.  "Inspiring" hardly does it justice.

Last May, I asked my students to write me letters before the school year was over and they were no longer in my class.  I asked them to tell me in their letters what they hoped they could say to me, twenty years down the road, if they ran into me like Trisha ran into Mr. Falker many years after he was her teacher.  I saved those letters, and look forward to one day hearing that my students have become NCAA basketball players (hopefully Jayhawks!), football or soccer players, massage therapists, teachers, carpenters, artists, video game creators, authors, illustrators, moms and dads...but most of all, I look forward to hearing that they were successful because they studied hard, earned scholarships, and learned to love reading, maybe even because of something I did or said to inspire them.  I can't wait to ask this year's class to do this same activity in a few weeks!  I know they have some incredible dreams bottled up in those minds, and I am thankful for the reminder each spring, through a gifted children's author/illustrator, to be reminded of the greatness inside each small one in my classroom.  I hope they will learn to ask, "Why not?" when approached with challenges in life.  I hope they won't be afraid to forage ahead when things get tough.  And I hope they will believe in themselves and know they are worthy of their own trust.  I will hold this reminder in my heart and be encouraged to keep giving my little friends the best of me for the next few weeks, as another year rapidly draws to a close.

I wonder how many more lessons we will learn before this author study wraps up?  We're only in the first week, after all!!!  :) Thank you, Mrs. Peterson, Mr. Falker, and Ms. Polacco!

Writers' Block

As I have embarked on my blogging journey, this year, I have discovered that the stories do not always come as easily as I would like for them to.  Of course, there are always stories...however, not every story is suitable for sharing with the general public!  So I find myself with a typical case of writers' block- previous posts have brought tears and tugged at heartstrings, and I've struggled with where to go from here.  When my students don't now what to write about, I sometimes give them the pat answer of "just write about whatever is in your head" or "pick something from your seed list".  We do exercises in "stream of consciousness" or brainstorming, and I expect ideas to emerge.  As I think about my own writing, though, I find that I don't want to write something until I have the perfect thing to write.  I get all tied up in wondering if anyone will be interested in what I have to say, and I feel stressed out when I think my writing is for no authentic purpose.  So today, as I was thinking that I should really just commit to start blogging regularly and watch for the stories to be discovered in the process, it gave me a new understanding of my students' struggles.  Just like me, they don't want to write about just any old thing- they want to say something important to the world, and they don't want to waste words on something trivial.

I don't know if this post will mean anything to anyone but me (and I have to accept that and move on), but as I write something that I feel is rambling and nebulous in purpose, I recognize that sometimes ideas can only sprout when those random seeds are sprinkled throughout the garden of thought.  In this simple effort to write when I have nothing important to say, I suddenly feel the same frustration my students often do.  So what do I do with this lesson learned?  I remember that sometimes, even if it isn't important, I should just say something... the rest of the story will come in its own time.  And I practice... knowing that my writing can't always be perfect.

Lessons from a Butterfly

Peace and quiet.  We hear that phrase on occasion, but few of us really know what peace and quiet truly feels like.  Quiet, yes.  Peaceful, not so much.  One of my students today wrote a rather eloquent description of peace and quiet… a much appreciated sentiment after a hectic day.

“When I am in church

I am like a quiet butterfly

   fluttering, listening, praying.

When I am worn out I rest

  my wings

and think.”

This simple, sweet description of a little girl’s quiet place made me think… how often do I take time to retreat and meditate?  Am I ever like a quiet butterfly?  Alive and fluttering, yet silently listening to the echoes of the world around me?  In our high-stakes tested, intensely rigorous, deeply engaged world of education, I think sometimes it is easy as an educator to lose sight of the silence, the necessary peace and quiet where we must sometimes rest. 

I have a plaque hanging just inside the front door of my apartment declaring, “today I will stop and smell the daisies”.  How often am I too rushed to even notice the artwork that reminds me to take time to live life? Between the challenges of school and the burdens of daily life, the stress often threatens to overwhelm me.  As I read my student’s delightful little poem today, I thought to myself “Today, I need to take time ‘to rest my wings and think’”.  And as I spend my evening hours grading papers, updating data, giving descriptive feedback to students, and updating my blog, I will remember that sometimes I need to just be like a butterfly- quiet and still and completely at peace with the world around me.

And I will begin with a cup of coffee.

Shared Grief

“Sorrow makes us all children again – destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. ” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This past week, I faced a personal heartbreak…the loss of my beloved kitty-cat, Pangur.  He was in many ways my dearest friend- unconditional, faithful, loyal, and loving.  Pangur and I had been through many seasons of life together; college, my first teaching job (and subsequent changes in positions), and most recently, graduate school.  Over the past few months, Pangur began to show signs of an illness which ended up being diagnosed as feline lymphoma.  As it turns out, the silent killer of cancer was inside my kitty’s body, and though we tried hard with the best medicine, chemotherapy treatments, and lots of prayer, Pangur’s little body grew very tired and it was time for him to go home to Heaven.  On Friday morning, January 28, 2011, Pangur surrendered in his brave fight with cancer.

My students had known about Pangur’s illness for some time.  They often left me little notes to tell me they hoped he would get better soon, and that they knew how much I loved him, and that they wanted me to let them know how he was doing (as of course, third graders love to include “write back soon” in the post-script of their letters).  We had many conversations about life that began with Pangur- thoughts about how wonderful our animal friends are, and how they teach us to be responsible and love without reservation, and how much it hurts when we lose a four-footed family member.  Pangur had become known throughout the school… last year’s third graders vividly remembered the stories of when Pangur used to sleep in the bathtub and in the bathroom sink.  They asked daily as I passed through the lunchroom how “the big white kitty” was doing, eager and hopeful eyes waiting for a good report.  My students, present and past, loved to hear reports that he was eating his tuna and sardines, and hung their heads with me when I shared that he wasn’t eating well anymore.

The morning Pangur departed from this life, I entered my school building with a heavy heart, praying for strength to endure the day ahead.  My students immediately knew something was wrong, and walked with me, somber and silent, to our classroom.  I shared with them that I would be very sad that day (and likely for many days to come), and I needed to let them know why.  Their intuition had already revealed to many of them that the very saddest moments had occurred that morning with my baby-boy-kitty, and I spotted a tear coming down one of my dear little friend’s faces.  As I haltingly told them that my Pangur had passed away, the girls, without prompting, gathered to hug me, and the boys sniffled back the tears they were too “tough” to share.  My students took care of me that day, as I struggled to make sense of the grief that threatened to consume me.  They tenderly encouraged me, shared stories of their own losses of family pets (and even people, too), and in the innocent manner of children, took on my pain as their own.  A little girl from my class took on the burden of sharing the sad news with my fourth grade friends, who approached me with silent hugs, knowing that there were no words that would heal but wanting to offer comfort somehow.

These expressions of love throughout this longest of days taught me something precious, a lesson I never want to forget.  In sorrow and grief, we become more like children, questioning and struggling to understand this thing that hurts so much.  And yet children, when faced with a friend’s sorrow, are wise beyond their years.  They know, as adults often forget, that words are just words, but “being there” is the most important part of grief counseling.  They know that a hug can heal.  And they know that sometimes all you can do is let your friend cry, and cry with them.  So, with a heart that is still a little broken, I say thank you to these precious cherubs who so willingly loved on my broken heart.  May I demonstrate such child-like love, and child-like faith, as I walk this journey of life.

Remember the Herdman's?

This comes from a journal back in August of 2009...

In light of trying to "journal" with my kiddos at school, some thoughts have come to mind that I think the teacher heart would appreciate. ♥

Okay, so all of us who are teachers know that someday we could write a book about our experiences in the classroom that would bring tears of laughter (or sometimes just tears) to our readers' eyes. Today was such a day in my third grade classroom for MANY different reasons, but as I reflect on the day, one little moment comes to the surface as an unexpected example of God's provision of levity and laughter amid the storm.

There's always that one kiddo- you know, the one who no matter what you ask, always does the opposite? Sits when he's supposed to be standing, runs when he's supposed to walking, talks when he's supposed to be listening, just generally makes every day more challenging? Well, once in a while, a teacher is blessed to have "that one kiddo", only one with lots more challenges. Here is where that moment of light comes in...

Following our morning meeting today, I was reading to my class "The Best School Year Ever", by Barbara Robinson. We were very caught up in the antics of the Herdman kids- if you haven't read the book, you really should!- and my class was quite shocked by all the things the Herdmans did...bite people, steal baby brothers and tattoo their heads with markers, catch things on fire, walk their crazy cat on a chain, among other silliness. Now remember "that one student" in my class? The one who challenges me basically every minute of every day? Well, as I was reading, my little friend was being quite a little booger in "his corner" and was beginning to draw some attention from his classmates. A little girl sitting directly at my feet- a former management school attendee who is working her hardest to "be good"- said to me with wonder in her voice, "Hey, we have a Herdman in OUR class!". Hooray for a text to self connection! Of course, she realized- with the help of my "teacher look", although I admit I was laughing inside- that she shouldn't really say something like that, but God bless her, we were all thinking it! :)

So the brightest part of this moment for me came when this little girl, who was a booger herself for many years, finally got to realize that she's not the Herdman in our class. The juxtaposition of her demeanor of not very long ago side by side with our little challenger of this year was a stark contrast. And all those good choices she worked so hard to make added up to one of the best phone calls home I've ever gotten to be a part of...a little girl telling her family she's been good for 5 whole days! That far exceeds the lenght of time a Herdman could ever be good!

So thank heaven for small blessings; today's was a precious reminder that even the ones who you want to give up on can certainly grow in character when that seed is watered! I pray that you all have a sweet reminder in your classrooms or homes or interactions with children in the next few days...love those life lessons God teaches us through our children!

Oh, the stories!

Teachers, much like parents, have the opportunity to view life from the perspective of both a grown-up and a child.  The attribute that often sets teachers apart from parents, however, is that we often look through the lenses of many children with much different backgrounds than ourselves.  This is not only a child-like view, but often an entirely different worldview.  Each weekend, as I gather with friends- often fellow teachers- to decompress and debrief after a challenging week, one of our traditions is of course to swap stories of our school experiences.  More than once, a friend has said to me, "You should really write a book!"  To be honest, I'm not sure my stories would really grip anyone enough to read an entire book, but I'm certain that some of those stories might make you laugh...or cry...or both, because sometimes you don't know which is really appropriate. 

So, in trying my hand at a "personal" blog, I'd like to share with you some stories.  The names will be changed, of course, to protect the...well, you know where I'm going with that!...but the characters and their circumstances will be very real.  The stories will be random, from years of journaling with my students, or memories that have cemented in my mind even though they happened years ago, and hopefully each story will serve as a lesson or reflection on life from a different perspective, through the eyes of a child.